Breaking the cycle of spousal battering

‘Mantšali Phakoana

In Lesotho, domestic violence is a deeply rooted problem that has been passed down from generation to generation.

While many believe it is justifiable for a husband to discipline his wife physically, this attitude is never acceptable and always amounts to abuse.

According to a report by Gender Links 2015, 85 percent of women in Lesotho experienced some form of violence at least once in their life time including partner and non-partner relationships.

In 2021, 47 percent of the women murdered in Lesotho were killed by their husbands and partners.

In the first half of 2022, the police unit named Child and Gender Protection Unit (CGPU) received 45 physical assaults reports and 184 sexual assaults report with female victims in Lesotho.

This deeply ingrained attitude is one of the biggest barriers to ending the cycle of violence in the community. For women trapped in abusive marriages, the path to safety and freedom can be long and difficult.

This violence has serious consequences, including higher rates of depression, anxiety, sexual and health reproductive problems, as well as mental health issues. It can also lead to higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse, or in the worst-case scenario leads to murder.

“Domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence, occurs between people in an intimate relationship. It can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. Abuse by a partner can happen to anyone, but domestic violence is most often directed towards women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual and same-sex relationships,” according to the report.

More action is needed to ensure women in all their diversity live free of violence and coercion. Health impacts of violence can last a lifetime, affecting physical, mental, sexual, and reproductive health, says the World Health Organisation (WHO).

The most shocking part is for women to believe it is justifiable for their husbands to beat them for any reason.

According to a Situation Analysis on Children, Adolescents and Youth in the Kingdom of Lesotho, by the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), 24 percent of women aged 18 to 24 and 23 percent of men agree that a husband is justified for beating his wife for at least the following reasons:  if she is cheating, neglecting children, argues with him, refuses sex with him, goes out without telling her husband or if she burns the food.

In addition, 32 percent of females and 25 percent of males endorsed one or more attitudes supportive of domestic violence, and 27 percent of females and 47 percent males endorsed traditional gender and sexual norms supportive or gender inequalities and that increased the risks of SGBV against women and girls

Similarly, the 2018 Multiple Indicator Cluster Surveys (MICS) found that 31 percent of women aged 15 to 49 believed that a husband is justified in beating his wife. The similar attitudes were also held by 40 percent of girls aged 15 to 19 and 32 percent of females aged 20 to 24.

The study further states that 38 percent of women in rural areas were in supportive of wife beating, while 23 percent of women in urban areas shared the similar attitude.

Additionally, 46 percent of women in the mountains are in supportive of wife beating attitude, equally to 40 percent in Senqu River Valley, 37 percent women in the foothills and 26 percent women in the lowlands.

“Forty-three percent of women with primary or less education were nearly five times more likely than women with higher education (9 percent) to hold attitudes supportive of wife beating, and women with secondary education (29 percent) were three times more likely to believe a husband is justified in beating his wife.

“Fifty percent of women from the poorest households believe a husband is justified in beating his wife, compared to 15 percent women from the richest households, while 34 percent women from middle-income households have the same attitude,” reads the study.

According to the study, similar patterns emerge among men aged 15 to 49 years, 28 percent believed a husband is justified in beating his wife in one or more for the similar reasons. These attitudes were also held by 32 percent of males aged 15 to 19 and 29 percent aged 20 to 24.

As Lesotho joined the rest of the world to commemorate International Women’s Day on 8 March (marked as a focal point in the women’s rights movement, bringing attention to issues such as gender equality, violence and abuse against women, annually) the rate of violence in the country remains a matter of concern.

Rethabile Mofolo of Ha Mabote in Maseru (renamed ‘Mahlompho Matela after marriage) is one of the many victims of domestic violence. Her case is one of the worst cases in Lesotho.

She was brutally murdered by her husband Qamo Matela of Ha-Matala in Maseru on September 11, 2021, after she allegedly went through a severe physical abuse.  Matela was detained for his wife’s murder and later released on bail.

The deceased reportedly sustained fatal injuries on the neck and other parts of the body.

The deceased’s sister, Rorisang Mofolo, told mourners at the funeral at Ha-Mabote on November 6, 2021 that she had a video call with ‘Mahlompho after hearing that she was sick.

Rorisang said she saw bruises on her sister’s face, and seemed so shaken that he barred her (Rorisang) from visiting her in the presence of her husband, for fear of being beaten again.

She said ‘Mahlompho told her that Qamo had strangled and hit her with fists while pinning her to the ground after a long argument.

Rorisang claimed that post-mortem results showed that the strangulation was so fierce that veins in the neck burst and that ‘Mahlompho suffered internal bleeding in the chest and parts of her abdomen.

Last year, a 35-year-old man of Mahlokoeng in Thaba-Tseka was arrested for allegedly killing his 23-year-old wife after he suspected she was cheating on him.

‘Mamahlapane Moshoeshoe from Nazareth says unemployment and poverty are the primary catalysts of domestic violence.

This leads to women’s imprisonment in abusive relationships and marriages due to their reliance on men who are oftentimes the breadwinners.

Moshoeshoe noted that in most cases, abusers are usually quick to apologies after every incident of abuse and will give their victims gifts to earn their forgiveness.

“The sad part is that there are always red flags in abusive relationships. These include, but not limited to, extreme jealousy, bad temper, verbal abuse and extremely controlling behaviour. It is just that as women, we would be blinded by either love or poverty.

“Unfortunately, most women have not been lucky enough to survive because they always forgave and took back their partners after the abuse and got carried away that one day they might change, not knowing that they are digging their own graves.

“It is not cowardice for a woman to leave a marriage or relationship if it is not working and they are abused. It is also important that women open up about such marriages and relationships; just tell a relative or a friend, even a stranger, they might help you. Do not wait until it is too late. When witness acts of any form of violence, report it to the police, Moshoeshoe advised.

She said there was need for laws that will deny bail for perpetrators of any form of violence and abuse.

“We need laws that say one cannot just kill a woman and get away with it. It must be clear that a man or his family cannot be entitled to death benefits of a woman murdered by his husband, because clearly it is one of the reasons men are killing us,” she added.

She-Hive Lesotho, an organisation of survivors of gender-based violence and those affected by it has joined the growing chorus of voices advocating for zero tolerance against any form of violence.

Seabata Makoae, a social worker for She-Hive Lesotho, said although there is no justification of any form of violence, there are underlying factors that can be changed by attitudes and norms.

He noted that for a husband to believe that a wife is his property just because he paid lobola for her is another factor that has instilled domestic violence within communities.

“There is a serious gap that needs to filled and it is the responsibility of all stakeholders to break this cycle. We should all say no to any form of violence. It is important to educate both men and women, especially the illiterate, that it is important to say no to violence.

“Victims of violence often hide what is happening and shut themselves off from others, rather than approaching the police or talking to friends or relatives about the abuse.

“As a victim of domestic abuse, you are more often than not very alone. You shut yourself off from others and hide what is happening, whether it be a one-off incident or something that has been happening for years. It should stop now,” Makoae added.

Lesotho passed the Counter Domestic Violence Act 2022. The new law strengthens protection against physical and economic abuse of women and children, and supports health care, psychosocial support and justice for survivors, all with direct economic ramifications.

Lesotho Mounted Police Service (LMPS) deputy public relations officer, ‘Mareabetsoe Mofoka pleaded with the public to report any form of violence for perpetrators to be apprehended.

She warned men to stop killing their spouses but protect them as that is what is expected from them.

She further urged women to support each other in order to fight violence and abuse.